I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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