im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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