There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
