She's JV to your varsity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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