My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
