my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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