yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
