a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
