You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
