I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
