I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
