I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
