Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
