he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
