did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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