I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sarcasm needs its own font
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
