You smell like a Billy Joel song
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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