It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
