guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
