I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
