hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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