i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
