dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
