Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
