a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A bitchslap is in order.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
