Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
