i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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