plz talk dirty to me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
