I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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