where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
