I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
