I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
