hotel room ftw
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
