he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your cock deserves a montage
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
