Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
