I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We have so much sex to catch up on
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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