I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
