I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
