I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I CAN MOONWALK!
I have demons in me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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