maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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