I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
