His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
People in love make me want to vomit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
