the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Randomize
