We're facebook friends in real life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
