i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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