Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
