Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
