The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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