YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
