you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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