speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
