Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
