JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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