Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a hot homeless man
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
