I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
