Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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