I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
