I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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