I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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