they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
